A selection of uplifting and inspirational bible devotions from personal life experiences geared towards people who suffer from depression.A selection of uplifting and inspirational bible devotions from personal life experiences geared towards people who suffer from depression.
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Normally when someone is referring to the five stages of grief they are talking about physical death where the person has just received notice that they have not much longer to live. Today I was going through the five stages of grief and how they apply to mental illness most notably depression so that is what I am going to cover today.
The First Stage Is Denial
No matter of the mental illness no one actually believes they have it initially especially with depression. The person or persons believe that it is just a case of the blues that will go away with a few tears and a box of Kleenex. Unfortunately with depression it will not just go away
The Second Stage Is Anger
When a person realizes that they are suffering from depression a whole lot of anger follows but it tends to be directed at themselves. I remember beating myself up for being “weak” and that I was not “strong” enough to beat this “weakness” in character. I was definitely not happy with anyone who suggested that I seek out help to get better.
The Third Stage Is Bargaining
A ton of promises are made when you are battling for your life and when you are fighting depression that is exactly what you are doing. I thought that I did absolutely everything that the doctor told me to and I was still unable to beat the monster of depression. I would promise whoever who was listening if they just made the depression disappear for a little while I would do whatever they wanted me to do. The problem making deals with depression it is like making a deal with the devil where the devil wants absolutely everything.
The Fourth Stage Is Depression
Well when you are dealing with depression and have hit the fourth stage the depression becomes all too real and it seems that it will never go away. It is hard to see the light, it is hard to get out of bed, it is hard to do just about anything. In the fourth stage the depression monster is showing you his ugly face and the real power that he truly has.
The Fifth Stage Is Acceptance
This is where it differs for mental illness as the fifth stage is not accepting that the disorder will take you life but realizing that you have to fight with ever single ounce of strength that you have to beat and kill this monster. This is when the person suffering with the mental disorder realizes that they do not have to live this way and they can change the path that they are on to get back to where the grass is greener and the sun is shining. take care
ps – Halloween is only a month and a bit away and I have been working on a new site called Halloween Costumes which features, yep Halloween Costumes
I realized about a week and a half ago that my supply of Pristiq was quickly diminishing and after failing to get hold of my doctor due to a new answering service that does not work whatsoever. Anyway on Monday I cut my normal dose in half so I was taking fifty mg of Pristiq instead of the normal 100mg. Fricken headache from hell late Monday that lasted until Thursday when my ex wife saved me by getting the hospital pharmacy to supply me with enough Pristiq to last until I see my doctor whenever that is.
Not only did the Pristiq withdrawal bring on a brutal headache it sent my brain into corners that I need to avoid to protect my sanity. Suicidal ideation came calling late Tuesday and lasted basically till late last night when I was able to feed my brain an extra fifty mg of Pristiq.
Now I have been dealing with depression for a very long time but even I forgot the power it can have over a person and to be honest another few days of the half dose of Pristiq (which would have ended today and I would have had none) would have sent me straight back to the hospital if I was lucky and I do not want to think of the consequences if I was not.
There needs to be a safety valve somewhere in the system when someone with mental health issues does not pick up their medication at the scheduled time. Now I am not talking about going over to the persons home but a simple phone call would probably keep a ton of people out of the hospitals and the emergency rooms. terry
I have been working on two sites for the last week or so Car Name Plates and Small Business Ideas
When you are dealing with depression sleep becomes the great escape for once your eyes shut all of the problems, over thinking, negative thoughts and the rest of the garbage disappears at least for a little while. The problem with sleep is that all you want to do so you spend hours in bed and while you do so the depression worsens as you have just isolated yourself even further from those who may help.
I remember telling the doctor I had problems sleeping and was lucky to get five or six hours each night but what I failed to tell him and failed to realize at that time was that I was sleeping five or six hours during the day. Sleep became my great escape at least for a little while.
Then the nightmares started at night but for some reason never during my daily naps so I spent more time sleeping during the day and would be awake all hours of night again managing to lock myself into a cell of isolation. Again I wanted some sort of medication that would put me asleep and keep me asleep.
Now I take 200mg of seroquel and 30mg of Temazapam every night and for the most part it puts me to sleep and keeps me asleep on a fairly regular schedule. I also know that when I start taking naps during the day and sleeping longer at night that I am doing something wrong and the depression monster is right around the corner so I need to act fast. take care
I received a message on Facebook the other day from a friend I have not heard from in a very long time. This person knew that in the last six years I had separated from my wife, ended up living alone and of course was diagnosed with all sorts of wonderful things. This person came to visit me the first time in the hospital and promised to be there to help me through the fight of my life. Of course when I was at my lowest this person was no where to be seen
Now I did not expect this person to go out of their way to help, I did not expect this person to save me but I expected this person to at least be there. Those of us who have battled severe depression knows how much a boost it can be when someone calls just to say they are thinking of you and that they care. After my first year of mental illness the phone never rang.
So now I am at a point where I am beginning to see the sun again and these fair weather friends seem to sense the storm is over and beginning to come towards me. Problem is I can not forget that for a long time they were no where in sight.
I do not know what it is but through my entire life I always have felt that if someone needs your help you do not run away from them but run towards them. Heck I entered social work for this very reason and have run this website for three years under the same principle. Someone needs my help I help them.
What is it with mental illness and people who normally have common sense running through their heads? Mental illness is not contagious. If I would have had cancer would they have reacted the same way? No of course not.
I was talking with a family member whose son suffers from mental illness and she was saying that she and her husband were amazed that I have gone through what I have gone through over the last six years basically alone. I replied it is a choice.
Now some people who have never suffered from mental illness and especially depression may thing that I was referring to the decision to fight the demons or basically let the parasites do as they will. Of course what I was referring to was the choice between living and dying.
There have been days, weeks and months where the choice had to be made every single day, hour and minute. Severe depression is a battle that you need to go through to fully understand.
At times it feels like you just had the absolutely worst day of your life and you know that tomorrow is just going to be a repeat. It gets to the point where you are willing to do absolutely anything to make the dangerous thoughts in your head go away. The desire for quietness in your brain is something that turns people to substance abuse, self harm and of course suicide.
When you are being assessed by a shrink for what I like to refer to as dangerous behavior one of the questions they ask is do you have a suicide plan. Now most of us in long term depression will reply no to keep our butt off the psych ward but the reality is that most of us have suicide plans carved in stone.
I have always said the reason I continue and the reason I fight is for my son and this is true. The demons that live in my head have convinced me at times that he would be better off without me but thankfully clarity jumped in to save my ass. I had a dream once where I was watching my own funeral and my little boy was there crying and in so much pain and I realized I caused it. That fuels me to do what I do and continue to fight. It is always a choice
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I remember when I first started Untreatable Online back in 2008. I was coming off a two month stay on a psych ward and left against doctors advice which pissed off my ex wife who would leave shortly after and felt myself basically alone. I would spend hours searching through a ton of medical information and trying to understand the chaos that was going through my head and not finding the answers. Everything was from a doctor who spent years in school but did not have the first hand knowledge of living with a disorder or disorders that are very capable of taking your life. I was frustrated that my doctor did not understand me and frustrated at myself for not being able to explain what I was dealing with. Untreatable Online became my live journal where I could go back to and seek out the patterns so that maybe next time I would not hit that brick wall.
Now that it has been a few years and I have come to terms with the monsters in my head and have realized my brain is hardwired for chaos and chemical help will be a part of my life for a long time to come. Now that my brain is a little bit more clear and running at a smooth past I want to take a look back at my “disorders” in I hope a rational manner.
Depression – Depression is an absolutely brutal disorder that takes a ton of strength just to do the simple things and most of your energy is spent trying to stop that negative voice that badgers you day in and day out. I hear constantly people say that you should focus on the positive and this is nearly impossible. I was at a point that every single thought in my head would be slayed by the negative monster that was sucking the life out of me. A relative recently told me that she and my uncle were completely amazed that I was able to fight my disorders and somehow get my life back on track. I told her it was a choice and I left it at that. Of course everyone who has ever suffered from clinical depression knows what the choices are: A) Keep fighting in order to get through today B) Throw in the towel and give up completely and wait for the monster to kill me. Having depression is like you fighting for a life you have no interest in saving. Doctors like to access your risk factor by asking if you have a plan and of course most people will say no but to be completely honest anyone who has suffered from depression for a long time has a plan and it is carved out in stone
Borderline Personality Disorder – What a royal pain in the ass this disorder is and the medical community sucks when it comes to treating it. Tell a doctor or therapist that you have BPD and they give you this look like they are staring at a massive problem. I like to live my life in a certain way and it is to keep it simple but the problem was I took the wrong approach a very long time ago that continued into adulthood. I was a very effective social worker who received a ton of praise yet I carried a nasty personality disorder that would have had me fired if they ever found out. I created this perfect self image that was just dandy on the surface but it was a balancing act inside that was difficult to maintain. Constant pressure to make this perfect self image which caused a wide assortment of problemns. The day I decide to kill this self image was a mixed day for this was all I knew but at the same time I realized that nothing was ever going to change unless I took drastic action. Three years of monitoring everything going through my head, all of the actions that I took and did not take and fighting the urge to allow myself to fall back to old patterns. The reason I kept fighting is that so many people told me I would not be able to overcome BPD I felt it necessary to prove them wrong. Today I do not meet the criteria for BPD
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – PTSD and Depression go hand in hand and they play way too well together. Have a good day and a PTSD trigger would send my brain over the edge and there was the depression monster ready to attack while I was at my weakest. Therapy helped here and it allowed me to see my triggers for what they were and to take back the power they had over me. I still have major triggers but I think I have taken care of the smaller ones which has made it easier all of the way around.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder – Chemical help is the reason for any success here. Antipsycotics keep my brain from racing and getting into trouble which makes my life easier. Panic attacks, anxiety attacks and pure adrenaline rushes are not a lot of fun. Seroquel keeps my brain doing the speed limit and allows me to think rationally when in a place of conflict. This has put my self harm problem into remission as I can take the time to see the whole issue and then make the right choice
Eight years ago I was in my final semester of Social Work and ready to take on the world by fixing all that was wrong and giving the hopeless hope. The decade before was spent jumping from town to town, job to job and basically having nothing to show for it but with Social Work I thought I had found my calling as it came so incredibly easy for me. That January my world would get hit by a meteor that has taken years to recover from and chances are it will still take more time before I can ever sort out for the death of my father left many questions that I could not answer. I handled that event by pushing it back into my soul where there is no light and pushed forward with the task at hand which was to finish school.
Two months after my father passed my grandfather passed as well. The two greatest male influences in my life were gone and I needed them now more than ever. This death too would be pushed way back and I plowed forward. I graduated from Social Work with a GPA of 3.99 and shortly after began work with troubled teens. My career was going smoothly and I was enjoying the life of a newly married man. A year and a half later the happiest moment of my life took place with the birth of my son.
At this moment in time from the surface it looked like I had everything and I thought I did. I had a beautiful healthy child, a woman who loved me and a career that was shooting for the stars. A year and a half later this picture of happiness would fall apart piece by piece.
I have dealt with nightmares since I was a child but they were increasing in number and intensity. At times they would get so bad I would rather stay awake for hours on end just to eliminate the chance of the dreams repeating. Sleep became the enemy and when I was not fighting to stay awake to avoid the demons my brain would not allow me to sleep as it was full of paranoia that seemed to come out of nowhere. The smallest noise needed to be investigated than the rest of the night was spent awake waiting for this invisible intruder to return. My body which became so sleep deprived began to revolt and I was constantly sick with one thing or another.
I went to see my family doctor to get some happy pills to snap me out of whatever I was dealing with. On the ride there I was on a highway and a tractor trailer came down the other side of the road and the thought that ran through my head is all of my problems could go away with one quick flick of the wrist. I realized I was in trouble and did not have a clue what to do. The doctor who had known me for years took a quick look and realized something was wrong. I was put on an antidepressant and told to take a stress leave from work. That stress leave was suppose to last for a couple of months, it has lasted over five years.
Over the next couple of months my behavior continued to fall apart and I ended up on a psych ward for a couple of months while the doctors tried to figure out what I was fighting and what was the best way to get me back on track. Sometime during this period I agreed to ECT (electro convulsive therapy) for my depression was considered to be treatment resistant. ECT did nothing after five sessions so it was stopped. When I left the hospital I was on a drug cocktail that consisted of antidepressants, antipsycotics, mood stabilizers and sleeping medication. I should have never have left the hospital when I did for I knew I was not better but I was tired of seeing the same walls over and over again.
A couple of months later my wife would leave with our child as my behavior was becoming consistently unpredictable. I remember a part of me was happy to be all alone for it enabled me to focus on the battle at hand which was making it through the day. For the next couple of years I do not remember much as my world was pretty dark and bleak with the only goal getting to the next day.
Self injury showed up with a vengeance and ultimately it would lead to another psych stay this one lasting a month. The scars on my arms were too new to ignore and a couple of sessions that ended with unconsciousness should have taken my life. This time around the psych ward I realized that I needed to help the doctors if I was going to ever help myself so I wrote out my past and gave it to the doctor. With all of this new information he could not diagnose me properly and severe major depressive disorder with psychotic features, chronic post traumatic stress disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I realized there was something else at play and with a bit of research came another diagnosis which was borderline personality disorder which the doctor was quick to confirm. During this psych stay I wanted to try ECT again so the doctor set it up and after the procedure was done and my body stopped convulsing I also stopped breathing so the medical personnel had to help until my brain remembered how to breathe on its own. Needless to say ECT has been taken permanently off my list of treatments available. On a pharmaceutical note I was taken off all of my medication and had to remain basically med free for two weeks so that a new type of antidepressants could be tried. Again I left the hospital too soon for all of the wrong reasons that were right at the time.
I lasted a year this time and the combination of the wrong meds, a couple of major stress highlights along with a move sent my world spinning and a week on the psych ward. This time when I got out I knew I had to figure things out and get to a level where the person I was trying to become could live with the person I use to be. I entered a therapy group which I finished and then moved on to a one on one therapist who I saw for the next nine months who helped me to make sense of my thinking patterns and the traps that it would lead too.
Over the last two years I have learned to see all of the warning signs that I use to ignore and I now know how to take care of myself for the first time in my life. I still take a lot of medication which I am not overly happy about but realize that they are a major part of my recovery and will be part of the rest of my life. I have once again established goals and now have something to work towards which gives me satisfaction. There are still days where it takes all of my energy to get through the day but now I know things can and will get better as long as you put one foot in front of the other. take care.
Depression has long been associated with darkness and grey skies, but a new study suggests there might actually be a scientific basis for these cultural motifs.
A new paper published in Biological Psychiatry this month suggests people who are clinically depressed have difficulty detecting the contrast between black and white, which means that while they’re feeling blue the world might actually look dull or grey.
By attaching electrodes to the lower eyelids and ears of 40 depressed patients and 40 control subjects, lead author Dr. Ludger Tebartz van Elst and his team measured the electro-physiological response of the retina to flickering black-and-white checkerboards.
The participants who were clinically depressed had difficulty perceiving the contrast gain as the squares changed from white to black.
Tebartz van Elst, head of the section for neuropsychiatry and deputy director of the Clinic for Psychiatry and Psychotherapy at Germany’s University of Freiburg, says it is difficult to say what this might look like for individual people, but that his best guess is that it is similar to seeing a picture in which the contrast has been reduced.
“You still see the image, you still see the person, you still recognize Bill or Bob or Jane, or whoever you have pictured, but the precise way of perception changes,” he says.
Tebartz van Elst says the relationship between depression and poor black-and-white contrast perception might exist because receptive fields in the retina that are critical for perceiving contrast involve dopamine, one of the key neurotransmitters involved in depression.
Tebartz van Elst says he and his team have discovered an “an objective marker of the subjective state of depression” which could have implications for diagnosis and treatment — particularly if studies on patients with bipolar disorder or schizophrenia produce different results.
Dr. Mark Berber, a psychiatrist at Markham Stouffville Hospital, professor at Queen’s University and lecturer at the University of Toronto, says his patients who struggle with depression often say things seem bleak; when they’re well, they say the world has a more vibrant colour.
“They notice the sky is blue, the grass is green,” he says. “When you’re depressed, everything seems grey and black.”
This phenomenon has long been noted in literature.
University of Toronto English professor Carroll Balot says that before the rise of modern science, melancholy was attributed to “black bile,” one of the four humours, believed to cast a shadow over the mind.
She is studying Geoffrey Chaucer’s The Book of the Duchess, written in the early 14th century in middle English, in which Chaucer speaks of a melancholy state in which nothing is “desirable or hateful; all is alike good to me.”
Balot says this is an early example of a melancholy artist as lacking the “. . . ability to differentiate between good or bad, or beautiful or ugly, or black or white.”
Tebartz van Elst and his colleagues believe that when depression fades, the patient’s ability to detect contrast should return.
This experience was noted by Winston Churchill, who called his depression “the black dog.” In 1911, he wrote to his wife that his black dog had left him, at least for the time being.
“All the colours come back into the picture,” he wrote.
Victor Marks was a teenager when he first felt that sinking feeling he’s since become so familiar with.
“Most high school kids have some kind of problem; some learn how to move through it, but I just got deeper into it,” says Marks, 67. “I had tremendous doubts about myself. I quit school early. I just wasn’t happy with the way life was going for me. Everything seemed wrong.”
Back in the mid-1960s, he says, nobody talked openly about depression even though many people were likely suffering from it. There were no support groups, no friends with whom he could commiserate, and certainly no Internet where he could quietly go for self-help. He says unlike today when people are more open about their personal lives, back then men were expected to act like … well, like men.
Consequently, he felt completely alone in his illness.
As his depression worsened, Marks recognized that he had to act — and fast. So he found himself a respected psychoanalyst and began a lifelong healing process involving talk therapy, medication to control his mood swings, and a great deal of apologizing when his emotions get out of hand.
“For men, we tend to have a set of rules,” says the Thornhill, Ont., resident. “We don’t want to feel as if we have a weakness. But we have to see [depression] as a sickness like a family member [should]. The only way you can do something about getting better is to literally fight the sickness. You have to work at it and realize when it’s happening — ‘I’m in it now, but I have to get out of it’ — and not be afraid to say you’re sorry.”
According to Dr. Arun Ravindran, clinical director of the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health’s Mood and Anxiety Program, depression is both an emotion and an illness. The exact cause is unknown, but it can be triggered by several factors including genetics, stress, trauma, hormonal imbalance and the seasons. He says depression is on the rise, with every generation suffering more severely than the one before.
From a gender perspective, Dr. Ravindran says major depression strikes three to six per cent of men, compared to 10 to 25 per cent of women, and hits at two peak stages: in a man’s early 20s and in his 50s, when midlife hormonal changes begin.
Dr. Anthony Levitt, psychiatrist in chief at Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre and Women’s College Hospital in Toronto, defines major depression as sadness or loss of interest that lasts virtually every day and all day for two weeks or more. He groups symptoms into three categories: those that are physical, such as low energy, restlessness, and changes in sleep pattern and appetite; those that are psychological, including excessive guilt, low self-esteem and wanting to die, and, those that are cognitive, such as difficulty concentrating and memory loss.
While most people experience several of these symptoms at some point in their lives, Dr. Levitt says it only becomes a concern when it starts interfering with everyday tasks.
He adds it’s even more challenging for men as they are traditionally reared to tough it out.
“We accept in our society that women might have depression, but men should just grin and bear it,” he says. “In women it’s seen as a part of life, but, for men it’s seen as a weakness, so it’s difficult to overcome that.”
A 2009 study sponsored by Wyeth Canada in partnership with Mood Disorders Society of Canada and Shepell.fgi reveals that almost 80 per cent of men with depression believe their symptoms disrupt their friendships, relationships, social life or leisure activities. More than half of men are concerned their boss might misconstrue a decrease in functionality caused by depression as lack of job interest. One-third quit their job as a result of their symptoms.
Dr. Ravindran says men with depression suffer from eating disorders more often than women, and tend to “self-medicate” more frequently with alcohol and drugs. Men also focus more on reduced libido and loss of nocturnal erections — both from the depression itself and the medication used to treat it — so might resist treatment.
Though women are more likely to attempt suicide, adds Dr. Levitt, men are more likely to “complete” it.
He says talk therapy works just as well for both sexes, but women are more likely to opt in.
Barry Shainbaum, a Toronto photographer, spent 20 years battling bipolar disorder and related depression, but has been free of it for 21 years, thanks to medication, therapy and hard work.
Today, the 58-year-old leads a men’s support group at the Mood Disorders Association of Ontario, so understands the stigma men face in dealing with that “devastating deep black hole of no hope.”
He urges more men with depression to acknowledge the illness, so they can get help.
“At some point, you just have to say, ‘This is my life. I’m going to get out there and live it. If you have a problem with me, that’s your problem. I’m going to be responsible for my life.’ ’’
Tips
Dealing with depression
Psychologist Dr. Richard Earle, managing director of the Canadian Institute of Stress in Toronto, says leaving depression untreated will continue the roller coaster of emotions and can put a person in physical danger. Here are his top tips to help men with depression get back on track:
• Accept the painful pattern! Don’t worry about one-off signs that come and go, but pay attention to a pattern of symptoms.
• Normalize the situation! Some people need a label to make progress. It’s up to you whether you call it clinical depression or a medical problem, but figure out your new normal.
• Draw a self-portrait! Ask yourself: If you were feeling 20 per cent better, what would you do and how would you look? Discover one or two manageable actions and make them real!
• Take a breath! Deep breathing and other relaxation techniques help ward off mood swings.
• Visit a family doctor! Review symptoms to obtain a proper diagnosis, discuss treatments and rule out other serious illnesses.
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