I have been seeing the same therapist since the beginning of 2010 and everything was going well until June when my meds were beginning to slip and I felt like I was losing control. I knew a med switch was coming so we put off any appointments for a month and then we would decide where to go from there. Well that day is tomorrow and to be honest I have no idea what I am going to say.

My brain is still dealing with the new medication and chances are it will be increased in early September at the next mental health doc appointment. My mood swings can be pretty severe at times and the depression hits levels that I prayed would never return plus a sleep disturbance that is just adding to the entire dilemma. When my brain is not chemically fixed it becomes easy to slide into old behavior patters and the main one tends to be I shut down due mostly to paranoia even though I know it is not real but when my brain is racing it is difficult to control.

I am not thinking clearly so maybe the best solution would be to postpone therapy until I am more grounded and clear headed.

The last session I was in a bad place and the therapist was concerned that I would do something drastic so she kept asking the same questions to determine my safety level and I gave her the answers that she wanted to hear. There are certain parts of my illness that I do not share easily and one of them is my overall mental state. In the past when I am running through a rough spell I will fight it out and if I am unable to do so I tend to lose control and before I know it I am back on the psych ward. I am unable to put my health or sanity in someone elses hands which is not a surprise to anyone who knows me but it is an area that I have to fix.

Tomorrow meeting should be interesting and hopefully something positive comes out of it. The new drug has been in play for almost four weeks and it is almost certain it needs to be raised. No idea what the equivalency between Pristiq and Effexor is but 50mg of Pristiq has more side effects than positive features so if it is increased to 100mg I am hoping it will be similar to the effect I received with a 150mg of Effexor. I am rambling and it looks like my sleeping med that I took hours ago is starting to kick in. take care

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Related posts:

1. Therapy online: Good as face to face? – Article
2. Not So Quick
3. Mental Health Journey
4. Mountains From Mole Hils
5. How I Diagnosed Myself
6. The Extreme Treatments
7. Higher Education Versus Real Education
8. The Burn Out Syndrome
9. How Do I Tell My Parents
10. Unloading