There are a number of things that a parent passes on to a child but none so traumatic as the cycle of violence. My father grew up with a violent father who was an alcoholic and suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to being captured during World War Two. No matter what my father did it was never good enough for this man and the end result was a beating “for his own good”. Like many other abused children he made a promise to himself that if he ever had children he would not carry on this family legacy.
Back in 1974 I was born and my father had the opportunity to make good on that promise. The problem was when his patience ran out his anger would jump to the surface and he would turn to what his father would do so the cycle of violence would continue. The emotional garbage again was something that was taught to him and he carried it forward.
During my early twenties when I worked to build some sort of a relationship with my father he told me about his childhood and what took place so I understood where he was coming from. This did not erase the damage done but at least I could see some reasoning from it. My dad then said to me words that I keep close to my heart which are “It was my responsibility to end this family tradition and finally break the cycle of violence”.
When my son was born it became this obsession to make sure that everything that I do is perfect so he will grow up to be a well adjusted health human being. Now I have training in psychology plus my own life experiences to call upon when ever my temper gets to that point and have never thought about causing harm to my child. I know that simple actions and words can have long lasting effects so I make sure that I operate from the positive side and not the negative. Take care.
Related posts:
- Self Harm Self Mutilation Self Injury Self Violence
- Mental illness alone is no trigger for violence – Article
- The Scarred Soul: Understanding and Ending Self-Inflicted Violence
- Not A Good Memory
- The Anticipaction
- An Odd Relationship
- Loss Of Contact With Reality
- I Should Have Known
- Discussion Of Triggers
- The Date Or Before And After
This is incredibly heartening! Not only for your son, but for how you feel about yourself as a person and as a father. I hope having a father/son relationship with your son can help to heal the wounds from the father/son relationship you had with your father. And mostly I am happy for you. This is wonderful to hear. Thank you for posting. <3 BL
Good for you breaking that cycle. That takes a lot of inner strength.
We live with our 24yr son suffering from PTSD (not related to parental violence or, parent anything except perhaps naivety)
This second post I’ve read of yours today encourages me.(also read, What Not To Do…)
J. is eloquent in his denial of MH illness. He is refusing his full med regime and we are again feeling the effects of s/s.
I’ll be back to visit as I trust what I am reading here.
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