Off the bat this might sound like a good thing and in a lot of ways it probably is but like everything else in life there is always bad that goes with the good. It is late and if I had any sense in my head I should have been in bed hours ago but the new blog ran into a problem a few days ago and now the only way I can sleep is to solve the problem. The good thing is I have no idea what the heck I am doing… My brain is a funny thing and it gets trapped in these little circles, take a memory realize what it is and what impact it has on your life then create a plan to fix the problem it is really straight forward except for one little detail I have to solve every single little iota before I can let it go. This use to bug the hell out of my ex wife as I tend to see every little single thing in a situation. Jack is being an ass my ex would say Jack is just having a bad day and let it go me on the other hand it is a different story. (1) Is it my fault that Jack is being an ass (2) What was the last thing I said to Jack (3) Did I do something earlier to Jack that is causing this new behavior (4) Is Jack in trouble and he does not know a better way to express it (5) How can I fix Jack’s problem … and it goes on and on. I have Borderline Personality Disorder to a level where it is consider to be a textbook case yet I struggle with guilt something according to the nons I am incapable of. If there is a problem I have to solve it or I will never be able to let it go. Now if you look at Post Traumatic Stress Disorder it only effects a certain percentage of the population. You could have two soldiers who witness the exact same traumatic event (A) The first guy looks and sees it for what he thinks the situation is and lets it go (B) The second guy sees the same thing and can not let it go so he analyzed the living heck out of it until it becomes a life of its own. Take a wild guess which one I am. People have told me a bizillion times to just take the past and ram on through it so I can get on with my life but my brain does not work on that level. The thing that made me good as a social worker is ripping me apart on the other side of the wall. Now if you will excuse me I have a blog to fix. Take care.
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- If 2 Plus 2 Equals 5 Then It Better Be The Same Tomorrow
- It Is Not You It Is Me
- Untreatable Mental Illness
- BPD Awareness Month – Realizing It Is Me
- It Is Not Me It Is You
- Faking Mental Illness … WTF?
- Control