I have been admitted to a psych ward on both occasions and both times took place in the fall. The first time was at the beginning of November and the last time was at the start of October. I am not sure if this is a result of SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder which is basically resulting from the lack of natural light or it has to do with something else entirely.
The Seasonal Affective Disorder makes a little bit of sense as when the weather tends to turn colder I spend more time inside which leads to my own version of self isolation. The more time I spend by myself the more I focus on what is going on inside of my head and before I know it I am sliding down that slippery slop into mental despair.
The main anniversary this time of year is my fathers birthday, I marked last year by checking into the hospital where he passed away. The issues surrounding my father are pretty large and for the most part I think I have them in check but whether this is accurate or not i am really not sure.
Part of Borderline Personality Disorder is false illusions or thinking. My doctor stated once that all of the progress that I have made could not be actual recovery but a shift in perception where I think everything is in control. So I go through my days thinking I am making great process then reality kicks in and I find out the hard way that nothing really has changed at all.
The doctor told me once that I would have really good periods followed by pad periods to the point where I would have to be hospitalized again to stable out then the entire cycle would repeat. I have been doing my best to make sure this cycle is altered but in the end I could not say whether it has or not. How do you know what is real when the majority of your life has been based on false ideals and pretenses. Too many questions and not enough answers. Take care.
Related posts:
- Seasonal Affective Disorder – Article
- Seasonal Affective Disorder Product
- Winter Solstice Winter Has Officially Arrived
- The Approaching Storm
- Foods To Beat The Winter Blues
- Borderline Personality Disorder Archives
- Borderline Personality Disorder Is Not That Common
- An Article On Borderline Personality Disorder
- Borderline Personality Disorder Misunderstood
- Borderline Personality Disorder
Sorry to hear you have been in the hospital. I have PTS, BPD, major depression, self injury, and a myriad of anxiety disorders, as well. I know how terrible I felt and still do at times. Nothing is written in stone. If a doctor tells you that you will always have to be hospitalized periodically that is only true of now. I was and continue to have bad spells but no longer need hospitalization. Don’t give up hope. Just do whatever you need to do to get healthy. Keep blogging. Take care.