To be honest this quite a weird process in writing this series as I know that going through these mock situations is one thing when they are in your head but this whole making these conversations public just feels odd. If my mental doctor ever gets hold of this blog I am in deep trouble. Anyway back to the “interview”

I – What is the reason behind using untreatableonline instead of using your real name

M – There is a bunch of reasons but one of the main ones is this blog is not about me but about my life dealing with mental illness. There is a lot of freedom that comes with using an anonymous handle for I don’t have to worry how my family, friends, doctors are going to respond or be affected by this blog. If I knew that someone in my inner circle was following this blog chances are it would have been deleted a long time ago. Untreatableonline allows me to be as open as possible in this format.

I – What is the main goal of untreatableonline? What kind of message do you hope to get across to your readers?

M – The goal is to show mental illness from the inside out. I want people to see that even though I live with a multitude of disorders the difference between me and them is very small. I hope people will see others with mental illness in a different light where the person comes before the illness. I am not a Borderline Personality man or a Depression man but I am a man who is currently dealing with Borderline Personality, Depression and the others.

I – With your education and career in mental health are you an ideal client?

M – Nope probably the complete opposite. The problem is I know too much so mental health professionals can not give me a standard answer for I tend to respond pretty quickly in a negative manner. On more then one occassion I have found myself “grading the mental health professionals approach and not what they are actually saying. It is almost like they need to prove that they are competent before I will allow them to “work” on me.

I – How honest are you with your doctor or other members of the care team

M – Well first there is no other member of the care team as I have been on a waiting list for the last nine months waiting for their arrival. I am as honest as to my doctor as I need to be. If I know I am in trouble I am pretty good with letting him know so the appropriate action can be taken but if I am in a paranoid or self destructive stage I have told him that I was no longer cutting just to get through the appointment faster where as the truth was the wounds from the last session had not begun to heal. Unfortunately it is a game, a game where I need to figure out that if it is played by his rules or mine chances are in the end I am going to lose. The doctor is there to help me but it seems the moon needs to be in perfect position in the sky before I am 100% honest.

I – What do you think your doctor sees when he looks at you

M – I really do not know. There are days it feels like I am a lab experiment and basically whatever I do comes as a complete surprise then logged in the book. Other days it seems that he is waiting for me to act out or set a rage off on him. It is a weird feeling when I am in a session with him which probably leads to other areas such as me completely trusting him.

I – Trust seems to be a constant theme. Do you trust anyone completely?

M – Overall no. There are people in my life that I go to for problems A to M and then there are others that take care of the rest. I really can not remember the last time I trusted anyone 100%. My ex wife comes close but even then it took years for her to learn the entire story and to this day she does not know all of it, no one does. That is another major hurdle that is in the road.

(to be continued)

* On a side note this is turning out to be rather therapeutic, a different twist on the whole free writing thing. Take care

Related posts:

1. Mock Interview Part Three
2. A Mock Interview
3. The Highs And Lows Of Borderline Personality Disorder Part 2
4. Untreatableonline Review Part One
5. Med Change Part X
6. Untreatable Review Part Three
7. Untreatableonline Review Part Two
8. What Not To Do When Dealing With Someone Who Is Mentally Unwell Part Two
9. Shock Therapy Part Two – Electro Convulsive Therapy (ECT) Video
10. Borderline Personality Disorder DSM Criteria Expained