I think I can blame the lack of creativity on Effexor for I have tried to write numerous times this week and to be quite honest all that came out of it was frustration.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she seemed to clue in to the struggle that I am going through at the moment. When my illness is in its “normal” phase I will tell her whether things are going good or bad but once I past that certain line I tend to completely clam up. Some stupid belief that by talking about the illness it is going to make it worse so I don’t do it. The purpose of a strong support system is to have a place to turn when you need it but like other areas in my life instead of asking others for help I just continue to push them away.
Self harm is one of those areas especially when it involves the doctor. Part of my brain is to worried he is going to see a slip or a brief episode as an indicator of loss of control which may lead to another hospital stay so I either lie my ass off or just refuse to answer the question. Part of this I justify by believing that I know when I am in control and when I am in trouble of course the blatant truth would be I am the last person who should be judging where I am on the mental health spectrum. Trying to explain to someone, even someone who is a mental health professional why you choose to cause damage to your body is never easy and I always feel afterwords that I was misunderstood so I tend to avoid talking about it. I have gone almost nine months with two small slips so from one perspective a lot of gains have been made mind you from the other angle this particular monster is still capable of rearing its ugly head.
How is the Effexor working? It is really hard to tell. There are moments when I think my outlook is positive but at the same time I realize that there is a wall up again between me and my emotions. This has benefits for it takes a lot of effort trying to fight negative thought patterns all day but at the same time I tend to feel really disconnected from reality which is not the most pleasant of sensations and one of the reasons self harm popped back up on the radar for a few moments.
Anyway I apologize for being so quiet lately and like I mentioned before I blame it on the Effexor for it is the easiest answer. Take care.
Related posts:
- Lets Try This Again
- Do You Really Need Those Meds
- It Has Been Awhile
- Antidepressant Medication: Millions Prescribed Have No Psychiatric Diagnosis
- Day Four Pristiq Withdrawal
- The Cost Of Mental Illness
- The Medication Dilemma
- It Has Been A Weird Day Prescription Drug Confusion
- The Placebo Effect
- Blame It On The Drugs
In past lives I’ve gone on creative binges while taking Effexor. Your time is coming.
My Effexor dosage was increased to 450 mg about the time yours was adjusted and I think it is working, but because of what I’m dealing with all my symptoms are up.
Now, not telling your therapist about the slips. I understand that. It took me more than 15 years to finally talk frankly about it. He did not really understand my thinking and thoughts behind it and no therapist is going to understand everything. Clinically he understood, but not personally. It was only be my talking about it and letting him know when I felt missed did he finally get it. Now, he really gets it and is extremely helpful and I can talk openly. This was a long process due to my difficulty in talking and trusting.
You are correct about the huge gains you’ve made, though sometimes it’s hard to remember, especially when you worry about things coming back.
I’m glad to see you blogging again. I’ve been concerned.
The only thing I know about effexor after taking it for a few years is that going off of it almost killed me (terrrible withdrawl symptoms occur in about 20% of cases). I’m not aware that it made a huge difference to feeling good. I’ve found prozac which replaced the effexor much better as it seems to give me more energy.
Self injury is something I have struggled with since childhood. It comes and it goes. Sometimes I can control it other times it gets away on me. I think the drug change has positively helped me in lessening the amount of self injury and the severity of it. I’m glad you’re back. We all need a break sometimes.
Should you be moved away from Effexor, make sure your doctor ‘weans’ you off of it – as mentioned above, withdrawal from Effexor is a nightmare. Also, make sure you take it every day. I didn’t take it for a couple of days because of being nauseated and ended up so dizzy I couldn’t get out of bed. Turned out that was because I stopped my Effexor. I’m now on Lexapro I don’t feel so all over the place like I did with the Effexor. Good Luck!
Clueless: 450mg effexor! Man! My doc said the max. dose is 350. I took that dose for a while but had to go back down to 225 because it was wiping me out.
Untreatable: I think you and I have discussed before all the pitfalls of coming off effexor. I tend to cut (but haven’t for over a year now) when I am totally numbed out, too. It makes me feel SOMETHING, rather than nothing. I also feel very uncomfortable talking about cutting to health care staff because it is misunderstood so much. I’m better with it now than I was before, but it’s been a tough road.
The Effexor roller coaster is one I have been on before. I came off of it plus Wellbutrin plus Remeron and Lithium over the course of four days or so in a hospital setting. It did work for awhile the first time around so I decided to give it a shot again as nothing else seems to be working. The dose will be increased in a couple of weeks then who knows what will happen. The way my med history seems to work I will probably end up on another combo again.
My doctor just prescribes meds and “tries” to counsel. The first time I met him he stated that he does not do talk therapy. His questions about self harm are more for assessing my risk factor then anything else. If there was an actual therapeutic purpose to his questions then maybe I would be more upfront with him.
I am alright just do not have it in me to actually write up a post. Thank you all for the support and comments they are greatly appreciated. Take care