From the moment I woke up this morning I pretty much knew my day was going to be of the sucky variety. Got dressed and went to the bathroom where I stared at the mirror for awhile taking notice that the usual spark in my eyes was no where to be seen which is a pretty good indicator that I would have to bare down and fight to get through this particular day. On days like these a lot of time I just hide in my basement and figure out a way for the depression monster to go away for awhile but I needed to fill my prescription so I had no choice but to head out the door.

I was driving to the pharmacy and it had been snowing for quite some time so the roads were a bit slick. The old lady behind me was way to close for my liking so I tapped my brakes a few times which she ignored so I slowed right the heck down as its just one of those days. My patience is shot when the depression flares as all of my energy is focused to make sure I keep some level of control and stability which is why I tend to stay home when it happens as every day society tends to get on my nerves very quickly. I gave my prescription script to the lady and reminded her that I was no longer on Nardil so to ignore that part. So I had to kill ten minutes so I wandered around the large grocery store staring at the ground as I know the look in my eyes was a long way from friendly. I was looking at supplements and vitamins trying to remember what I read online and curious if I was even allowed to take them as technically the Nardil is still in my system and my brain just didn’t want to work and my memory which is normally strong as hell was drawing blanks. I went back to the pharmacist section where my order was ready but like usual there was a catch. They could only provide me with twenty one Seroquel pills and I had to return next Tuesday afternoon to pick up the rest of my prescription. I left the store then my brain clicked on and I had to do the math regarding the pills, I take nine Seroquel a day so there was enough in the med container for two days plus a single dose. Thankfully I had some left at home and I have enough to get me to next Tuesday but the part of me that was bothered was the Pharmacist never inquired if I had any at home or not. If tomorrow morning I woke up and realized that all of my Seroquel were gone I would be in very deep trouble quickly as it is the only reason my brain runs at a good speed which has helped keep me on track and has kept the self harm monster at bay but like normal this is my problem and not the pharmacist. Part of me thinks she believes I take it as needed and ignored the part of the prescription form that states they owe me 248 pills. Whatever I have enough to last so I guess thats where my focus should be.

I came back home and I have tried to stay busy. I have responded to a number of posts on different health forums across the web, cleaned the darn house and did whatever else I could to keep my mind off the fact the depression monster is standing behind me and will kick my ass if I stumble. I should have stayed in bed.

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