My philosophy is to be open and honest in every circumstance which is a terrible idea when it comes to dating or at least online dating. Early on I let the woman know that I have a couple of quirks in my personality such as four mental disorders then I wait for the excuses to show up in my Inbox why they no longer want to continue the conversation.

The problem with online dating that at the basic level it is superficial at best. Most people just look at the picture and do not even bother to read the description that goes with it. The majority of users at least initially believe they will find the perfect person so their criteria is high and not very realistic which they figure out after awhile.

I have no interest in serial dating so for a long time my profile was very specific to what I was looking for but the criteria level really was not that high or hard to meet. I stated I was looking for a smart, good humored, open and honest woman who knew what she wanted in a long term relationship. Apparently I was asking too much or my intent was aimed in the wrong direction as instead of finding my miss right I ended up being messaged by people who would question what I meant by being open and honest which is a fair question I guess if I really do not think about it so I would reply I do not believe in secrets or false images so if you are thinking about something you share it, if you have a concern bring it up and then we will address it and I do not handle surprises well so I prefer everything to be in front of me so I can see the picture as a whole. Which I think is the way that an adult relationship is suppose to be especially when you are looking long term.

Once the person is past this first stage and the good ones tend to jump right over it with no difficulty a few emails in I explain my current situation which includes my disorders. A lot of people run away screaming, others ask a lot of questions and the rest seem fine with it. The person I am looking for sees me for me and not the disorders, they understand the disorders are part of my life but it does not dictate who I am or the quality of person that I am.

When you go through the forums of different dating sites there is always a thread about dating someone with a mental disorder and a lot of the time why you should avoid people with the Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis and they are harsh. People dated one person with a mental disorder and that is it for anyone else who carries the diagnosis which makes enough sense as dating someone of Italian heritage or whatever and if this person was a prick or a bitch that must mean everyone of that descent must be the same way, the scary part is the volume of people who think this way. I have taken the time to respond to a variety of different forums trying to explain the differences between someone with pure Borderline Personality Disorder and someone who is actively working on making themselves a better person overall by working on the BPD characteristics that may cause difficulty but I may as well be talking to a wall. The part that gets me is that they have no problems with people who are in recovery from Alcohol or Substance Abuse but yet with mental health there is none. People who have long term substance abuse issues nine times out of ten have mental health issues that were present way before they started to drink or do drugs but yet society is quick to forgive them once they get clean then all the negative situations the person were in and caused or quickly forgotten and justified that it was the result of the substance. I read somewhere recently that the number of people who become Alcoholics or Drug Addicts is somewhere in the neighborhood of seventy five percent so when they get clean society treats them like a person who lost his/her way but has found their path but the person with BPD is just a lost cause so which one would you tell people?

People have said why don’t I just not tell others that I am suffering from a variety of mental disorders and this is my answer. Right off the bat it goes against the philosophy of how I live my life. Second of all I am considered to be permanently disabled because of my disorders which would be almost impossible to hide without a whole heck of a lot of lying and creative answers. My depression runs in peaks and valleys so if a person is not aware of it the experience can be rather scary and overwhelming so I am looking to make someone happy not to cause them harm. The final reason is when I tell people about my difficulties I get a clear picture of who the person is and whether or not this is someone who can exist in my world, does the person ask a million questions trying to get a full picture of what is before them and who I am or does the person grab a stigma that society has presented then declare that as the real answer without getting to know the person I am. Unless you have taken the time to get to know the person that I am then you do not have the right or enough information to judge me. Nothing is what it appears. I am a post secondary trained social worker who graduated at the top of his class who has helped countless people both on and off the web who fellow coworkers and bosses see as a top worker who is more then capable of handling and making great gains in the most difficult of clients who sees anyone in trouble will take the time and effort to help fix the situation even when he has no clue who the person is and will receive nothing from the encounter but just does it because of a belief that it is your responsibility as a human being to help those in need or do you see me as what is written down on a piece of paper. I spent years working in the field of mental health and during that time not one single fellow professional ever hinted that I was BPD. Since the time I had to stop work due to severe depression I have ran across a number of coworkers and the first question they ask is how I am doing and when am I coming back, when I tell them about the BPD diagnose I get a really weird look and they almost always ask “A they sure? That does not make sense” for who I am does not go along with what society believes a person with BPD should be. If I wanted to I could hide the BPD diagnosis for a very long time with little to no difficulty but again that would not be honest so I rather be alone then go against my inner morals.

One last thing about online dating. The majority of people do not know who they really are nor do they not know what they are really looking for, they have a belief that comes from a high self esteem perception but it is not realistic or real for that matter. Through countless conversations with a whole heck of a lot of people I have come to realize that who a person thinks she is and the person they really are do not have a lot in common in most cases plus the number of people with undiagnosed mental difficulties is pretty high. I am the one with four mental disorders yet I am the stable one of the bunch who knows exactly who he is and does not live a lie, go figure.

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